You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
