He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
