You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
