I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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