im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
