I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
