New invention idea: vibrating tampons
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Acid is not a monday night drug
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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