People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
