You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
