I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
