fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
