quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
