take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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