I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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