hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
