I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
