The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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