I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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