Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
