It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
