Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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