Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
