you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
