Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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