im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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