oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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