can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
