Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
