Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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