there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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