I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
