you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
