what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
