whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
