wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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