Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
