take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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