One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
