All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
