We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
