so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
