She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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