forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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