so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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