her vagina looked like bernie madoff
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
