im drinking this country out of the recession.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
