I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
