Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
