Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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