I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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