he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
