Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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