I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
