Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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