my soul wont recognize me after tonight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
