For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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