She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
