Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
