unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
