Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
