I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize