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May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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