I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
