I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
