I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
