singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
