Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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