And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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