she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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