Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
