Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
