She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
