i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
